Art in featured image by @ragingfembot
NOTE: Some images in this post may be disturbing to some of you. Proceed knowing that you will be seeing some images of my foot during the healing process.
One year ago today, I lost part of my body and gained a whole new perspective and way of being in life. The very second it happened, my presence of mind was clear. One moment at a time. My voice in my head was calm, defined and soothing. There was no fear, there was no anxiety but only full acceptance of my situation. For several months leading up to that accident, I was writing the affirmation, “The more I relax, the more I allow.” So I did that very thing. I relaxed and reminded myself to remain present in each moment, and not get caught up in the “what is my life going to be like now, how will I pay for this, what will my days be like going forward”. It was the day that life changed for this being writing for you now. It was a glorious moment, one that thrust me into acceptance, appreciation and made me stronger than ever before. Today I celebrate my Footiversary, and revel in my new body and my new way of being.
Yes, I am still in pain. In fact, I deal with physical pain every single day. Some days are worse than others. But even with pain, I feel grateful. The way I see it, the pain reminds me that I am alive. If the accident had happened any other way, who knows what the situation would have been. Today, for me is a celebration of life. A reflection of how to carry on throughout this incredible journey, this ‘choose your adventure’ way of existing. Since that night, I’ve spent more time understanding how majestic this planet is. How incredibly fortunate we all are to be here together and experience the wonders that it beholds. These things can be gazed upon every day and night from where ever it is that you are standing. The moon, the stars, the sky, the trees, the birds that fly about, the grass that grows under your feet. Nothing seems like a big deal anymore, drama is a waste of time. Being offended steals energy. Thinking negatively about others takes up brain space. Space that could be used to create art or experiences. Space that could be used to create ways to unify groups of people.
Let me tell you what I’ve done this past year since this day, when I lost half my foot. (all five toes and the entire ball of my left foot)
My foot healed enough to walk on in a medical boot on March 18th, 2019. Exactly three months to the day of my accident. One month later I had an emergency bone extraction, when the last remaining part of the ball of my foot pushed through my flesh and skin. Another month later, I was walking again (in a medical boot).
I spent seven months working on personal growth and self development through a leadership program. Through that, I created @everyBODYvisible with a team of polers to raise awareness about discrimination on social media.
Soldiers of Pole founder, Antonia Crane, asked me to be on the board of directors. I said yes, and am now devoting my life to the unionization of strippers everywhere, to create safe and sane work environments.
The first episode of my podcast has been recorded and done so through a podcast network, Starburns Audio. The name of the podcast – “Yes, a Stripper Podcast”. Episodes will air in the second half of January.
I’ve created a coaching program through United Pole Artists and have begun doing coaching webinars for the pole dance/stripper communities. Even designed (myself) a new website that will be live in the next couple of weeks.
My team and I planned and executed a four day festival in the desert called BabeTown Fest. The very next day after the festival wrapped, with another team, we planned and executed “Raising Hell and Awareness” hosted by Jacq the Stripper for Soldiers of Pole. It was a massive success.
I initiated and coordinated a family event with fifteen of my family members, to begin a conversation on forgiveness. This year, we’ve had now three family meetings. The third resulting in my two uncles resolving their issue after not speaking for thirteen years.
Since December 18, 2018, I’ve traveled to Atlanta, Tennessee, New Jersey (twice), Pennsylvania (thrice), and New York City, where I walked at least two miles a day.
This is all to say, the only thing that could have stopped me was my own state of mind. The reasons I accomplished all of this is due to the undying support received from my closest friends and family and of course, my surrounding communities. Including my social media community. The state of mind created was facilitated through hypnotherapy, reading books by Deepak Chopra, Don Miguel Ruiz and Ekhart Tolle, doing self development seminars, writing affirmations, meditating and remaining present throughout each day. I did not wake up like this. I was prepared for ‘trauma’. For me, it was not traumatic though. I’ve never felt sorry for myself. When I was laying on the ground, one of my thoughts was “It’s just my turn.” The way I see it, we are all moving globs of carbon, bouncing around on this planet. We are bound to run into each other or other things. Sometimes collisions are worse than others. If a deer in the woods lost its tail or hoof, it would heal and then keep the fuck going. There is no other option. I only have 81 years left (I plan on living to 120) and I need all the time there is to be had. I must keep going.
Today is a day for great reflection. Looking back at the woman I knew that once had all of her feet, but was somehow still incomplete. The piece of me that was taken was replaced by so much more. My foot is a reminder of how one can change in an instant. How precious every single moment we have is. Take the time to look up at the sky sometime soon. Feel the rays of the sun hitting your face and know that every ray of light that is hitting you, took a million years to reach you. Think of how grand this world is and how special it is that you get to witness it. Remember that “nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so” ~ Shakespear. And send yourself a message of love. Because to love oneself for every way that you are in every moment, is to love everything else you see and encounter. For you are the Universe and the Universe is you. That perspective is what drives me all day every day. That is the answer to “how I do it.” So, here’s to me and my mother fucking Footiversary. Thank you for joining me in my journey, my new path to joy and enlightenment. Everything I do, I do for all of you. Because we are all in this together. I love you forever and ever.